Just Another Day With Me

Nightmare...Anxiety...

Yesterday evening, I checked my old email and noticed the job opening postings.  A nearby school is looking for a English teacher to finish out the term.  Well, I hit send and submitted my application online.... Well, I later went to bed and had nightmares about teaching - about Special Education, about IEPs.  I woke up almost sick with anxiety and the ever re-occurring stomach pain returned. So I'm thinking maybe that wasn't such a good idea.  I don't know it kind of bothers me that just applying for a job could bring the anxiety to the degree that it did.   But it did.  I have heard nothing on the application which I assume it has been filled.  But, I still can't believe that it triggered such emotions.  

I also registered for the GRE and I felt relief.  Like I did something that I had been meaning to do for the last oh, five years.  It is an expensive exam, and that has held me back in my goals, but registering for it was the first step.  I am glad that I did.   That was a relief. I have spent the fall enjoying my time off - messing around - putting off anything to do with graduate school because I was not certain of myself.  I'm always afraid I will not be admitted or am not good enough to go... so I am very glad that I started this process.    

I do not think taking a teaching job this spring is what I need, I think I need to recover from the trauma of the last ten years.   I think, maybe I just need out.  I dont' know.  Teaching has never created anxiety like that.  I don't know if it was my situation and job or if its just that stressful.  

But.... lets hope for no nightmares tonight.  Tomorrow we are Christmas Shopping....  I am really done with anxiety...  So this afternoon I ran...  three miles...  before it got dark.  I feel better. Then I went to Walmart and came home with junk food.   Which always makes for better eating at my house. 

Don't Stand.... Don't Stand So.... Don't Stand So...

There weren't strong words in the staff room... the accusations did not fly.... As I pulled this directly from the news.... 

SERIOUSLY???  I would or could say so much more, but I won't.  Disclaimer, I don't know this person, and I think office gossip seriously sucks, because I didn't even know we had an assistant band director.  Disclaimer, most of the teachers I know would NEVER do anything like this....and we have some very good people at our school.    Perhaps thats why the teachers weren't appreciated this week.   Ha....   Its weird, I would never socialize with students...  its wrong on so many levels.    I'm absolutely shocked!  

The proper way to associate with students is  YOU DON'T -  What a DUMBASS.    SIGH.  Really...  I don't know what to say or think about this.   

In honor of that little gem of a news article (I just got on to check the weather)....  I think I must post a song...
Don't Stand So Close To Me- by the Police.  Sting said that it was "Not Autobiographical" at his concert in May of 08 :-)   You know, I do love this song...  I have even read that famous book by Nabakov.   

21 Days... Thats All...

I'm tired.  Tomorrow is the last Friday of the school year.  I am so happy, but that also means the mad rush to complete any and all records is on.  As well as preparing for the end of instruction tests.  

Today the "no cell phone during contract hour directive" passed by the school board went into place.  I do know some people that I work with (who may be referred to as dumb-asses) who not only give students their phone numbers but add them as friends on their Facebook pages - then proceed to update their pages during school hours.   I would also like to add, that I feel that was the only appropriate term that I could find for a college educated educator who wants to network with teenagers.  How sad is that?  I personally have the opinion that the only way I don't mind socializing with students is when they say "would you like fries with that."  It seems like there are constantly news stories about dumb teachers who cross the line with students.   That is another soapbox of mine.   What is sad is some of these teachers who do socialize more than they should with students are MY senior, I mean people who have a good decade on me in age.   Can we say... yes, you are getting older..and stop trying so hard, you just look unprofessional and the kids really aren't interested in you as a person.  But, I don't know - the mentality is, well, I don't get it.  I really don't want to socialize and network with coworkers myself, there are a couple that seem acceptable for my personality but for the most part I've done a fine job of avoiding co-workers and that is a good thing.  Anti-Social... yes, that is my goal.   

 But, I know cell phones are a problem or an addiction, and I think if they are going to ban them they need district wide scramblers so no ones phones work at all, then the kids can go back to passing notes.  

I am tired... I'm going to take a nap today.  I'm glad tomorrow is Friday.   School is wearing me out this week.  

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Prom

   Here are the official FERPA approved prom pictures.  I went did my duty, had a glass of punch and a couple of cookies and came home.  Nice decorations this year, they invested more in hiring the radio station to DJ so the music wasn't God-awful, they actually played a pretty good mix.  But,  its still going on and I'm home now.  You know that you are old, when you don't want to go to prom, and you only want to do your time and go home, but I normally stay until its over.  I'm tired tonight.  I guess its asthma- You know you are old when the last prom you were excited about was in 1995!  Well, I'm going to bed, I guess I had too much fun.  Yeah!  Prom just means about six more weeks of school, its the beginning of the end and always a good sign, so I never mind going.   

Eating Daily is A Good Idea

Should do it in the daytime.  But, since I've been growing my ulcer I just haven't felt like it this week.  So I had Pizza Pizza, but my crazy bread wasn't very tasty.  I'm tired, and my stomach is still hurting in the one area it has been hurting for the last couple of months, at first it was only when I was stressed or upset, but its been a steady annoying ache today. I just don't want to eat with it aching.  

I'm tired, it was a Monday.  I enjoyed my afternoon class,  we had the technology talk,  we talked about the growth of Technology from the late 19th century until today.  I got to feel so old, giving the old, "back in the day lecture."  (you know, back in the good ole' days of the 80s)  Which is funny because I get to give the "I remember when we got our first microwave" (third grade)  and "when we got our first VCR" lecture, and talking of the days when the Satellite dish had to be cranked into position, with someone in the house watching the TV *but maybe we just had a crap dish.   So we could tune into Canadian Television and watch Much Music.   Music on Vinyl... cassettes.  Kids were interested and engaged because it was meaningful to them.   I had fun we pulled up the ATT website and looked at the growth of telephone technology and what "cell" in the "cell phones" really mean.   Somewhat off subject but we kept looking more and more technology and inventions up and I think it was a day where the kids actually learned a lot (as compared to a lesson out of the very boring text book).   Actually we are going into the Roaring Twenties and I like everything from here on out. But, I'm so ready for summer!   

I had numerous people stop by my classroom thinking I had a substitute today with my hair being so different.  I got a lot of compliments, I was kind of surprised.  I've had a few days to get used to this total hair change, but it was a shock to those students that I've taught for the last three or four years!   

I'm tired.... but there are Mafia Wars to play and news to read.  Oh, I found a quote that I like (more political commentary to come but not now): 

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.  ~Emma Goldman

On Repeat

Listening to that song "Soul Sister" on repeat on my iPod until I get sick of it. Isn't that nice when you find a song that you want to listen to over and over and over and over and over again.... I do that.  Bad habit, but If I LOVE a song, I love it and I'm hooked.   Well this Train song is awesome, happy lyrics, happy song.   Makes me happy.  I am fully intending to make myself hate it - by overkill. I'm going on 45 minutes of looping it now.  Did you know I have a bit of an obsessive compulsive - ADHD side.   LOL!    Good mood today, maybe that week off helps. I'm ready for spring, I'm ready for summer, I'm ready to feel good again.  This emotionally crazy bullshit isn't working!!!!  

My Mom and Hub and everyone are slowly beginning to be more normal.  I told them if they piss me off too much I'll go get me a job on the Rez and move off to New Mexico or Arizona where the sun is always shining and take whomever wants to go live with me.   I mean it.  Not even remotely joking....  :-D  I love the Southwest.....I'm tempted... so tempted....  I miss New Mexico.     

So I'm reading the news right now (yeah thats what cool people do on Friday evenings- we read the news, and the rest of you losers need to get with what us hip people do on Friday nights, we read "The NY TImes" the "Washington Post" "The WSJ" "News OK" oh and of course "Reason.com", etc... 

So in the Post some teacher told her student that she was dressed like a whore and some other teacher according to yahoo news wrote loser on a kids  paper..   COME ON DUMB ASS teachers....  I teach kids who have emotional disturbances who say inappropriate things and I TEACH them to keep those voices INSIDE Of their heads, we live in the "land of the law suits" and political correctness gone wild land.  Even if you think your student dresses like a lady of the night- don't tell them. Thats when you send them to the office for dress code violations... no boobs no butts... no pants on the ground... thats how it works at my school.   Perhaps they are only dressing like their Mothers.... HA!   And, seriously....  I work with some teachers who wear knee high boots with leggings, and short skirts, now if that doesn't cry hooker I don't know what does?   OH and I might add,  geesh, you know how many of these kids get cut down all the time at home or by their peers do teachers need to add to their complexes.   

Teacher Calls Student Prostitute, Its national news  (have you been shopping at the teenager stores lately)

Now, I'm sure some of it is unintentional, I imagine some people get too "relaxed" around their students and forget that they are in a position of power and might bring the wrath of angry parents down upon them.   But seriously dude, why would you write loser on a kids paper....  its ok to think whatever you'd like but don't write anything down. Idiot.  Sometimes I wonder how these people pass teacher certification exams and all the silly hoops you have to jump through for that certificate.   

Hmmm...and I want to put a plug here for my strong dislike of Nancy Pelosi,  she is an evil, snarky, woman... DISLIKE.   Can Nancy Pelosi Get The Votes  <---she is not my soul sister, lol..  OK back to being cool and reading the news...  SO glad its spring break.  So glad I feel good tonight. 

Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge....

So, the topic of the day is Special Education...  see New York Times Article; so, I'm reading the news and today there is no escape from work. At least they cite Pete Wright of .Wrightslaw.com.  Excellent seminars on the law and special education.   

Now, a warning... creating an adversarial parent/school relationship isn't always the best idea, people may follow the law to the letter with you and provide all services but I can say honestly its much easier to catch flies with honey... because getting nasty with the school, really -  doesn't make sense.  I know sometimes I think the parents are crazier than the kid and I feel absolute sympathy for the  kid...  but sometimes I think well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  But, really,  don't make the school your enemy by being a total bitch and pointing out the procedural details of the law, you want your kid to get the most consideration you can find without going to war.   

Working as a parent with one school and as a teacher... I feel like people really need to think before they act.   Mediation.  Don't make the school resent you because you can get a lawyer, you won't make it wonderful for your kid.   Just something to put out there.  Services, well often if your kid isn't getting the services you like, it is often not the classroom teachers fault.   Sometimes we don't know where the special education funding is.  We don't always get the choice of what curriculum we use and are honestly advocating for our students with the regular teachers.  Most special education teachers are very defensive of our "kids."   

Ah, but go at it parents, fight for your kids, but remember they have to pass the regular test like everyone else (especially in Virginia).   There are many unfunded mandates.  I don't know what the answer is with the special education mess, I think kids being in regular classrooms all the time with access to the labs with regular teachers who will modify and work on understanding our special-needs kids.  

No Wonder the School Mascot is the Donkey

OK, so I went back to the school today.  I got a copy of my daughter's attendance, a copy of the rule book and a copy of the reading policy.  I went to go see the Superintendant but conveniently they were having a principal's meeting.  You would think that administration wouldn't schedule meetings during parent teacher conferences. Since they administrate all day, it seems like there would be plenty of time for them to meet.  So, I didn't wait around.  I came home and pulled up the State Department of Education. 

I called them, but they can't help me.  Its just a very stupid (or perhaps I should say Ignorant) policy put forth by a Local Educational Agency (e.g. my kids' school).  Not allowing time for work to be made up when the kid was out due to the "Great Flu Freak Out of 2009" So, my daughter may fail English and there is nothing I can do.  Now, her own procrastination and stupidity helped her out quite a bit.  Normally she gets all of her reading points in in August and is the top of her class.  Nope, not this year, what is sad is I own many books off of her reading list from when I taught sixth grade in New Mexico.  

Reading policy is as stated:

Parents and students,

Our required reading program has changed somewhat.  We still require that students read library books each nine weeks.  However, failure to read those books will not result in no-credit for the class.  Required readings are now worth 25% of the student's grade each nione weeks.  We used to give students a grace period at the end of each nine weeksto finish required reading points, but since lack of required reaading points does not fail a student any longer, we no longer offer a grace period.  Due dates for required reading are Ocober 9, December 11, March 5, and May 6.  Please acknowledge that you have read this note by signing below.  All language arts students are required to return this note to school by August 28.  Thank You.

The note is not well written.   I am not impressed, and honestly since they are refusing grace periods shouldn't reading points be allowed until the date that grades are due?  So these kids are losing over a month of time to get their allotted reading points in because of the due dates.   OK, well, I guess because I teach Special Education, I tend to look at everything in education from a legal perspective.  This battle isn't so much about my daughter but about fairness and equity, it is also about discrimination.  She was legitimately out sick, due to school policy.  So their argument that she came back to school one day doesnt' make sense, they expected her to take the test the day she was back, when she ws probably trying to catch up on a weeks worth of classwork not thinking of reading points.  

Stupid policy.  I'm glad they want them to read.  I was also told that they MUST read from their reading list and cannot read from another. When I asked this question, I got the wonderfully intellectual answer of "BECAUSE" - ok, now, don't answer with because.   Absolutely inflexible.  I hate inflexible people.   Ironic that many of the books on this list were on her elementary reading list.  But she can not read from the 8th grade, 9th, 10th, 11th, or 12th grade reading list.  No academic excellence there - its all about conformity and mediocrity.  I must say I like her Social Studies teacher, he said that she was gifted and bored.   Good answer, social studies teacher... good answer.

So I, once again am fed up with the American educational system, but what is new.  Oh, nothing.   I must admit the snotty little English teacher pissed me off.   And all I can think is "No wonder the mascot is the Donkey"  and, it is.   Yeah, embarrassing something I hate to admit to people, because of the chuckles and laughter that follows.   Oh and here is what the state department of education has to say about H1N1:

The Oklahoma State Department of Education is working in partnership with the State Department of Healthand reminds parents and school employees of the pivotal role they play in preventing the spread of illness among school children.

The U.S. departments of Health and Human Services, Education, Homeland Security and the Centers for Disease Control on Aug. 7, 2009 released updated guidanceto schools and parents regarding the prevention of the spread of influenza and 2009 H1N1. The guidancecan be found at www.flu.gov.

The Oklahoma State Department of Healthis the lead state agency in dispensing information and guidance crucial to the flu mitigation effort in Oklahoma.

The current guidance for schools includes:

1. Students and employees staying home when sick. Those with flu-like symptoms and a fever equal to or greater than 100 degrees should stay home at least 24 hours after they no longer have a fever.
2. Immediately separating ill students and staff until they can leave school.
3. Routinely cleaning areas that students and staff touch often. The CDC indicates it is NOT necessary to clean with bleach and other non-detergent based cleaners.
4. Stressing hand hygiene and respiratory etiquette to students and staff. Wash hands frequently with soap and water; cover noses and mouths with a tissue when coughing or into a shirtsleeve or elbow if no tissue is available.
5. Reminding students not to share anything that could facilitate transmission, i.e. make-up, drinks, school supplies, etc.
6. Increasing the distance between people at schools to the extent possible.
7. Being aware of people who are more at-risk of 2009 H1N1 complications, including those who are pregnant, have asthma or diabetes, have compromised immune systems or have neuromuscular diseases, such as cerebral palsy or Down’s Syndrome. Those at high risk should consult their doctor if an outbreak occurs and follow his or her advice about whether to stay home until the outbreak subsides.
8. Temporary closures of schools are local decisions that will not be necessary in most circumstances. In Oklahoma, should a school site experience an outbreak of influenza or 2009 H1N1 this fall, county health officials will closely monitor the site. Should their surveillance lead them to the conclusion mitigation strategies will not be effective in curbing the outbreak and the outbreak will continue to escalate, they may recommend temporary closure of a school.

Strategies for preventing H1N1 flu, its symptoms, and up-to-date information on the public health emergency, including information sheets to be distributed to parents and schools in English and Spanish, are available at the State Department of Health's Web site.

Consistent and accurate information is key. So schools are strongly encouraged to use materials provided through the State Department of Healthand heed any guidance received from their county health departments.http://sde.state.ok.us/h1n1flu.html

Thanks State Department,  but we can't make allowances for kids who are out sick, they still lose 25% of their grade.  I wonder if the State Department of Health could help us out.   Just curious.  I suppose if you were diagnosed with Cancer and had chemo on the due date of your test there is no flexibility.  OR if you had 20 of 25 points and were a straight A student and missed on one of the due dates for the reading points you would still fail, because no one is allowed to do things last minute.

Can We Say: "ANGRY PARENT"

So the Mamma tigress got to unsheath her claws today at parent teacher conferences.  I went into the Junior High to check on my darling seventh grade daughter, who is filled with eternal difficulties for me because she is made in the image of her mother and shares many of my personality traits.  I must admit, I do like her History teacher who threw the word gifted around quite a bit at the conference.  I didn't care for her English and Math teacher as much, who mentioned how far behind she was.  Well, that would be a big duh, because afterall she has been sick for the last two weeks with a virus that she couldn't kick.  

So, when we are going over the discussion about her reading points her teacher informs me she has NO READING points and "oh by the way thats a quarter of her grade"---- WTF, By the way?????  Are you serious???   I could not have been contacted oh,  say, midway through the nine weeks to know we are talking about a quarter of her grade.   So,  what do I do,  my anger is focused at my procrastinating daughter who had zero points and already a grade that was not even passing with the work that was due, because of her illness.   OK, well, I'm not a happy Mommy at the moment.  

So, I meet with her History/Reading teacher who thinks she's gifted in Social Studies (takes my bow and acknowledges that she is INDEED my daughter).  Then proceeds out the front door of the school (this is the school that I went to High School at).  Let me first say that High School was not a challenge for me, except math, and I was in the slow kid math anyways, because I couldn't handle the college bound math at all, I still am a member of the Math Dummy club and am pretty much special ed in math.  Seriously.   Anyways High School was the easiest four years of my life academically, challenged, Nope, not at all...   But socially it was a nightmare.  

OK, well I walk out those hallowed doors and get on my cell phone (I had been texting her as I conferenced with the ) "ZERO READING POINTS YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE"-  I then went outside and called her,  and she said she'd passed a 18 point reading book (she needs 20 or 25 points) today.  SO, I marched back into the school and found the "English teacher"  and asked about the test score to which she responded:  "It doesn't matter if she took the test today the reading points were due Friday" - OK, so I'm thinking- no problem she's been out with a fever/flu for TWO WEEKS.  I said well she should have a day to make up work for everyday she was absent.  Oh, then that is when my blood pressure skyrocketed and the wrath of Mother started happening.   You know, the times when you were a kid and your mother stood up for you despite your humiliation at having the angry Mom there stating her opinion.  So, the teacher said "No, it was due on the 9th and if they don't have it by then they can't get any points"-  "It was assigned in August they should have had it in"  -  OK, well, I'm standing in the office filled with people and teachers and I'm quite sure steam was starting to come out of my ears.  My voice was getting elevated and I was angry.  Now, quiet shy, lil' ole me rarely gets angry, let alone at a school system,  never in front of my former High School principal.   Well, I did today.  So, as I'm sitting here saying; "Can I get a printout of her attendance"  and got "No our secretary has to do that"  - ok, so in my brain I'm going "WTF, I can get a printout of attendance where I work and do it myself.'  So then the little English teacher goes into the office (door open) of the Principal and asks him if they can get an extension because they were sick.  To which he responds "No, they knew about the assignment all semester" - So excuse me, she was ill on the due date and the same makeup work policy should apply. 

I am furious by this time, so I stormed out, and started calling all of my family to be pissed off.  I'm still very pissed off,  it has not been alleviated by the passing of a few hours and trip to Sam's Club.  I didn't run today either, so my anxiety is still pretty high (hate anxiety)  really,  feeling the anxiety and if I weren't so tired I'd go jump on the treadmill but don't want to put on the jogging shoes.   First, I must say I like that they have a reading program for High School students,  but, the zero flexibility - not even for illness is REDICULOUS, when they were sending her home for the fevers when she wanted to be there at school.  Secondly, the state department of education is just a phone call away, but I will be heading up to the school tomorrow to get a copy of their policies and procedures and a copy of their sick policy and my daughter's days absent.    I will be talking to the Superintendant, because, with the "Pandemic" or "Great American Flu Freak Out of 09"  I think some leeway should be given.   She should have as many days to get this major assignment in as she was out sick, since she's already given time to finish her assignments.  

Furious....  I think its time for blood pressure medication for me this week.   I can't believe I got that way, I guess its my inner-procrastinator that doesn't like seeing another procrastinator being screwed out of the "last minutes" they need to get the work done, and honestly she didn't realize she wouldn't be given the opportunity to make up that.  I told her teacher she would not be held back this year because of this.  

Oh,  the joys of motherhood.   I am a teacher and always hate angry parents, my first and foremost duty is to keep a good relationship with parents because it just works so much better.  Especially when your policy is STUPID.   Oh, did I say that?   Yeah, I did.   Not allowing time to makeup work when you are sick, no matter when the assignment was assigned, its all about the due date, and it was due before the grades were due anyway, so a test taken during this nine weeks can not count for next nine weeks which is another fine point of my argument.  

Training Hell

I sit here with my little eight year old at my side working on his homework, a word search, not worthy homework for the American Education system, I as a teacher would never-evah send home a word search for homework.   It seems silly to take a grade for one, busy work is all they are good for (like when you have a substitute).  This evening I sit here, and write, while working on that never ending laundry pile that occurs when you have three children, one husband, and a clothes horse such as myself. 

Today I was trained, I can't say I was the most attentive attendee of this wonderful state department training whose focus seemed to be a competition between the presenters as to how many times they could utter the word "Non-Compliant" and "compliance" and "cite" - as in if you do not do this paperwork to the letter they will come down and audit you and "Cite you for non-compliance."  If you do a really, horribly awful job with paperwork they could, perhaps, bring the Spanish Inquisition down and stick you in the iron-maiden and proceed to pull out your toenails or some other worse torture.  Interestingly enough the state department is changing our paperwork yet again (of course once we learn how to do it properly they change the forms- assholes).   Oh, maybe I shouldn't use inappropriate language, but its really annoying to learn how to do something and it takes about a year to get it right and then they go "improve the paperwork" I must admit some changes are good and we were told we could implement immediately. 

OK, so it was a super boring training, I can not, and I mean cannot focus whatsoever on an all day training about paperwork, talk about painful.   Awful, dry, boring and no humor at all.  They, I regret to say, will not win the Pulitzer for the powerpoint from hell.  They might have a shot at the Nobel Prize for future changes they may make, but it, too is not likely as they were probably Republicans (and white women). 

So, I can sit and listen with rapt attention to history professors, for hours on end, but, I'm sorry compliance officers for the State Department of Education just make me wonder why I'm totally wasting so much of my life doing this.  It also makes me wonder why they are wasting so many hours of their lives to do this, obviously they like nit-picking teacher created special education files apart with a fine tooth comb.  Really, who wants to do that?  I think I'd rather scrub toilets (errr... maybe not that far), but I'd certainly rather flip burgers at McDonalds.  

Its finally fall here, and I came home to another dreary day with the temperature being about sixty degrees outside.   Perfect.   I made it home about an hour early and it was just right outside.   I went on my run, and it was a good one.  You know, one of those nice endorphin releasing runs where nothing hurts.   I think I did get my Achilles tendon on the way home its tender, but nothing major.   I am finally feeling like running a mile non-stop is easy again.  It has taken months to build up to be able to run like that.  This is with hills. I'm back to miles in under ten minutes and I suppose taking into consideration the hills that isn't bad.  I'd love to be able to run eight minute miles, but ten is ok.   When I can do four miles in 45 minutes I want to sign up for a race but not until then.

Big brother apparently has taken over in my state, we now have a statewide attendance and gradebook system for our school systems, so the state has quietly infiltrated local education agencies with an obscene amount of micro-management that my libertarian ideals hate.  I am very disturbed at Big Brother, under the guise of "look how simple it is to do state reporting"  - have pushed this on each and every district in our state.   I guess I will do my best to keep the labels of assignments and paperwork vague and numbered, just as a sign of resistance to the "Borg."  I know assimilation is part of the plan, but I will do my best.   I just have to complain anyways!  Its my job!

So,tomorrow the nine weeks come to a close and it is Friday for me.  Fall break, a four day weekend.   After the lengthy emotional journey of last week, I am ready for a four day weekend.  My young cousin is coming to meet the family so, cleaning is necessary.  I must clean the guest room (the Spiderman Suite) and probably kick the little children who sleep in there out to the living room sofa.