Just Another Day With Me

What does it do?

I often get very enthusiastic reactions to my photography...and I wonder...  because it seems to come so naturally to me.  What is it.  I mean everyone has a camera.  What do I "see" that they don't  see.  Anyone can do this...its not like Algebra or drawing a picture with my hands.  I'm using technology to create a vision.  I'm constantly observing things though. I look at everything as a potential composition.  I look for details, the little things.   What is it that makes an artist... I don't quite get it. I know I can take a shot that I feel is blah and make something worth looking at....  but, I don't quite get "photography" its still such a novelty for me... I love the feedback I get, it feeds my ego....  but I don't get it...  anyone could or can do it, yet the more photography I look at the more I realize that not everyone can do quite what I do...  perhaps that is why it is art. I always felt photography was more of a science and you just needed equipment to be a photographer, nothing special...  but, it is special isn't it.   If its your passion. 

Bad Day

Had a bad day.  I am moody and my asthma is always worse with bad air quality days. Which is something very real, I used to wonder why the newscasters made a big deal about them, but then I began experiencing how horrible I felt on days where the air is horrible...  I am also not running this summer with temps nearing 110 every day it has been one miserable summer. Not running affects my attitude and my anxiety. Unless you get anxiety you don't understand it.  Sometimes this song... is the one I relate to.  Look at me I'm made of wonderful..

"Wait I think I feel like hell...though I can't be myself........." To live in a life where you are torn between never feeling good enough no matter what you can do or accomplish and to always have self doubt even if you can accomplish goals or do wonderful things in your life is to forever be in doubt.   Doubt that I can't always escape.  I'm going to graduate school this fall.  I am hoping that I do a good job, but I've been out of school so long, its a risk and a gamble.   I'm also stepping away from History and English and studying something different..so more worries whether I will be able to do it.   

 

In some ways I really miss my teaching paycheck right now, I dont' feel like I do my part, I dont' feel independent anymore. I feel needy and dependent yet I don't want to be a housewife, because I'm not good at it, its affecting how I feel about myself. And I'm going back to school. To accomplish a huge goal I wanted to accomplish since my kids were babies... I want my Master's degree. I want my PhD, I want to prove myself academically- I really need to focus on my writing skills.  Whether it be through blogging.  I certainly need to "social network" way less - but it is also getting me photography contacts.   

I've shot some photography recently - a wedding and engagements and next weekend family photos! How can I go from nothing to booked in a week! Its INSANE.  It kind of blows my mind that people actually want to pay ME to take their pictures its, a HUGE compliment, especially when they hand you the money for doing something you LOVE.... its very nice. 

I'm emotional today... tears,  I can't help how I am sometimes I dont' want to be. I can't express my emotions when I talk, all I can do is write about them....   Some things I cant say at all.  I hate saying anything that might hurt someones feelings- but I also hate feeling like I can't say anything when it affects me. 

Sometimes I don't feel wanted.   My husband has called Rob Thomas my "depressed music" maybe he's right, but the songs are comforting, and not always depressing, they are just filled with emotion, sometimes stated the right way for me.   

I know not eating right affects my moods, I also know not having a schedule set probably isn't good and not knowing enough people... I think I'm lonely not online! I have tons of connections online but for real friends, real "girl friends" to go out with sometimes... I think I need to be more aware of my body and asthma.

Sometimes I dont' even realize when my asthma is so bad I want to sleep all day. I got to walmart today and felt disoriented and dizzy and couldn't remember why I was there,  and then had a real asthma attack, where I really needed my medicine.  And I didn't have it and had to drive home in the heat...I really need to think about it. I know I need to keep it.  When I hurt my leg last month I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe...   I need to keep my inhalers close by.  I think its important.   

Happy 34th

My Birthday was on Wednesday and it was quite a busy day! 

My cake, which my youngest son licked the icing off the 34 and intended to make it a 43... except he licked the icing off of them...  ha.

What I LOVE about this card is my youngest signed all of the names and misspelled my Oldest Son, Rowan's name. Too cute!  

My Sister came and grilled out for dinner! The grill caught on fire, caught the grass on fire and we were very close to having an explosion!  Crazy!  

dousing the flames....

 

Crow Canyon Sunrise

My friend was after New Mexico pictures...so I reworked this beautiful sunrise in Cortez Colorado... and I'm tired now, I think. Plus I need to get up early.  

Why Did We Name Her Grace?

So yesterday evening around 6:30 my daughter comes in the house hurting, she fell down over some of my dad's junk.  Barrels, which I happen to have a beautiful photograph of right here...  in the dark walking back from my parent's house.   She fell on the arm that she had broken in 3rd grade and the irony is they missed the bus yesterday and the day she broker her arm when she was little she missed the bus for the first time EVER.  I jokingly told her NOT to break her arm yesterday on the way to school!!!  

So I spent all yesterday morning at the hospital..came home and spent ALL and I mean ALL evening at the emergency room.  We got out of there by 1, fortunately it was not broken, but to be cautious considering it is her weak arm. 

She is the only child I've ever had to the hospital for trauma injuries... she's sprained her ankle, her arm, got a stick through her foot (don't ask...she was running outside barefoot chasing a rabbit - anywaysss)...  But last night it was her Papa's fault for leaving his junk along the walking path.   But, I wonder why did we name her Grace..just as I wonder why I was named Joy... cruel joke I think. 

She tripped over these barrels which I imagine are very dark at night.  But I did get a nice photograph of them yesterday! 

Looking pretty at her Christmas program Tuesday..its hard to believe she will be 15 soon! 

Happy!

You know your friends and family can tell you that you are good at something or talented...until they are blue in the face and deep down you can doubt yourself because you haven't had "training" and you don't have the equipment that "real photographers" have...then suddenly you feel validated. 

Its funny, I have a "A" list celebrity follow me on twitter, he's on the news all the time.  He's up for a Grammy, he won the CMA Male Vocalist of the year.  He has sent me a message telling me "Thanks for the pictures" and how I made him homesick...and that was...such a humbling feeling to know that someone that so many people wanted to know took the time to look at your work and even compliment you on it.   That was nice, but having someone wanting to buy and use your images is a different feeling altogether.  

I am amazed at how nice it feels to have someone contact you about your "work"  It is something I've worked on for a while.  The day I took the pictures of the bridge, I was on my way home from visiting my newborn cousin and I wanted some pictures of this beautiful bridge. It was Victorian looking.  It had the English Garden feel in the middle of Oklahoma.  Lovely.   

I am so excited to get some exposure and resume building.  Recognition, not money.  I think recognition means more to me than money with photography.  I still feel like there is so much that I don't know that I want to know...and learn.   But tonight. I'm happy. 

I'm happy. 

 

Wow!

Email from a marketing/designer wanting to use one of my images... asking price.  Wow.  Asking licensing information. Wow.  Wanting to use it to make an actual product, you know to sell.  Wow.  Did I say wow? yeah,  Wow!  Super excited! 

http://obscurity.typepad.com/expedition_oklahoma/2010/07/the-beautiful-lincoln-bridge-in-sulphur.html

One of my bridge pics  because of this quarter to be released.  :-) 

http://americathebeautifulquarters.statequarterguide.com/oklahoma-america-the-beautiful-quarter/

I know nothing of the selling side of photography, particularly image licensing.   WOW!

Wood at 2 AM

The title for this post sounds incredibly inappropriate.  But, unfortunately I hate to disappoint you....Now, I'm going to bed to watch a documentary on the Comanches.  

Renault

 

 

Something Nice...

"there's a difference in taking a picture and being a photographer. You are a photographer" 

I woke up this morning and found this quote on my Facebook wall from a friend.   Wow.   

My son was on youtube watching videos about his favorite video game "Fallout" and this song came on.  This is one of those songs that I've really really liked but did not know the name or artist, since I don' t listen to radio all the time. So about a year later I finally have it.