Just Another Day With Me

Guilt

This hurts...  I ran, I cooked Thanksgiving, I knew he was sick.... I knew when I walked in the house I should have asked my sister to come out and look at him to see how sick he was, but I didn't. I put it off and I ran in and grabbed my camera to capture the sunset, I traded glorious sunset photos,  for my dog who loved and trusted me.   I truly feel like his dying was my fault this time.  It makes me sad, maybe because I got Lego this spring,  March I believe and there was so much that I'd been going through and knowing the big battle how much my Mom hated this dog because Ray got him, knowing that I deep down when

Ray got him for me I really didn't want a dog, I neve wrote this but I was resentful I have felt like so many people in my life had had control even to the degree of what pets I have, my Frenchie is a rescue dogs, my two little dogs are ones saved from my Father in Law the collie pup was one my sister gave my kids a few months ago.  I have never had control over "what dogs" i've had because of a controlling family and a vet in the family....  I've always wanted a Saint Bernard or a Great Dane,  I actually had a horrible fear of German Shepherds, our neighbor when I was  ateen had a mean shepherd who if he got out we had to stay inside the house... I've always had a fear of aggressive dogs.   So I didn't really want a shepherd mix and I thought lego was kind of ugly at first.  But this spring I was so resentful over everything that I appreciated him but I felt like I didn't get to pick out my dog, I dont' know I was just so confused about everything in my life...   and he really ended up being an animal that I truly loved.  

I knew he wasn't that bad but when we brought him home I grew to love him and his bouncing.  All the laundry he stripped off the line and the balls of blanket fluff from a blanket he destroyed in the yard.  I feel so sad...  I really do.  Then Friday morning we got up and went shopping - and when we got home I didn't check on him, I thought about him but I crashed and woke up so feverish I couldn't get out of bed and Saturday miorning he was dead.  I just feel like it was my fault and I haven't felt like this in a long time. 

Sometimes I just regret...and sometimes I dont' regret everything...  but I regret losing this dog I just feel like my Sister... could've saved him.  Thats the problem with having a Doctor in the family, you think that she can save him, if I'd have got him there she'd save him. I don't know how many times I've rushed animals, lambs... cats etc to the clinic and if they die and shes cared for them I can handle it, but this timeknowing she was at my house all afternoon and I didn't call attention to him...but I didn't realize he was that sick.   

When a week ago he was bouncing at my car window.... and jumping in my lap whenever i opened the door total love....  and I ignored his being sick and put it off like nothing bad would happen to him because he was a puppy.  Damn.  You can tell he didn't feel good his ears are down, I took this when I walked out to get the sunset which you can't tell from this photo but it was beautiful.  

When I went to see Rob Thomas last October, I remember him singing this song, he wrote it about his dog, I love his lyrics they are so moving and powerful and he just comes across as a genuinely kind soul.  But since this song is about his dog..and how no matter how bad of a day he had his dog was happy.   Right now, I'm sad.    

Here is the Sunset....  on Thanksgiving, I was so Thankful - and I still am.  I am thankful, but I am sad, I deeply regret brushing off something I should've paid atention to. 

R.I.P. Lego

My Dog died last night.  He was droopy on Thursday but I thought maybe it was because it was cold out.   He wasn't feeling good but we were so busy with Thanksgiving that I didn't give it a lot of thought because he was just fine Tuesday, he went and ran three miles with me. Last night he was coughing and I was going to take him to my Sister today (she's a vet).  But he didn't make it.  

This spring ...

Last Saturday...he was FINE on Tuesday.. :( 

My Dog.

So, I found out that my Dog won't  let strangers near the house and don't get in his face if you don't know him.  

No Balls, No Claws

My darling baby boy.  The kitty who was found outside by my kids and brought inside too early to be weaned, his name is now Zim, but he is my "baby"- today my baby was humping his other friend Miley Iris who is due to be spayed and declawed next week.   There is a no humping tolerance in this house, the balls had to go.  Luckily I was called in to be a vet assistant today so I just picked up my little baby (who looks rather pissed about that picture- because he was flea dipped yesterday).  I put him in my car.   I drove him away, by the time we arrived at the clinic he calmed down and was purring on my lap (oh ignorance is bliss).  I felt mean as he was knocked out for surgery and he lost not only his manhood but his defense.  

Wasn't he precious, precious sweet back in June?   

OK so I love my Zim before he was neutered I hope he will feel the same about me.  He's my rotten kitty.  

How to Do Housework

First Take pictures of your sleeping kittens.....

 
 
 
   

Introducing Super Grover

My old cat Grover died about a year ago this month, he was a big, fat black cat,  he died in my arms suddenly one rainy Saturday afternoon, I was heartbroken, Grover was older than our youngest son.  So, today, My Little Sister said my Older Sister had sent home part of my birthday present, (ok, I thought it must be some military documentary or something of that nature).   So, I get home and my Sister says she must give it to me right away (sorry Ray - I know how much you love Cat stories I neglected to tell you on the phone and wanted it to be a surprise).  So, I come in the house and she carries it in behind her back, a little black kitten with a blue "cape" tied around its neck with "G" inscribed by a Sharpie Marker on the back.  She said "here is Super Grover".... Oooohhhhhhhh  nothing I love more than being almost 33 with a slight "tinge" of that "I'm getting old I sure would like to have a baby around the house fever" than a new baby kitty. Much easier to care for and just as entertaining and so much easier than children.  

 
  

You see, I collect cats, I feed about ten on my porch.  I have one in the house, and another new kitten... who my daughter named "Iris" and Row accidentally called her Cyrus the other day and I had a brilliant name for the other Kitty... Miley IRIS- yes, because I have Milo and now I can have Milo and Miley.  Tinkerbell went to live with a new family as an only kitty because she wasn't' doing well here- she needed to be a solitary cat. Little G- or Super Grover was part of a litter dumped on the doorstep of my Sister's vet clinic, a not uncommon occurrence.  So, guess who gets kittys... yup, I do.  Now, I'm not making promises for Super Grover's life as a pampered house-cat, he may have to be a pampered porch cat, but he definitely has a home. 

 
 

Kitty in a cape!  

 
 

And My Little Dog Too

Here is a picture of  my little dog who was run over a couple of weeks ago, he went for a walk with us tonight and is making a recovery, he's a happy little guy again. Here is my little Ozzie.  

 
isn't he a pretty little guy?  My Ozzie Dog...  What was really funny last week I was over at my Dad's and he said "Hey, where is that little brown dog?  He hasn't been over here?"  I replied.... "If you ran over my leg I wouldn't be over either!" -  ah, well it seems he's back to running around again, I'm glad.    

Balls the Cat on the Fence

Meow... Justin called me out to take some pictures of the cool clouds.  So I went out skeptical and ran back in for my camera and took about twenty shots in raw format.   I'm liking the new shooting technique.   Buying a couple more memory cards is on my list.  I have a feeling more portable hard drives are in my future.   

11 days of students... 11 days... I am soooo ready for it to be over with!  

 
 

And Your Little Dog Too (or what else can go wrong today).

Ozzy this summer after he was released from his life of bondage in town...and to the freedom of the country.   

So, not only did today have to suck for me, my little dog got ran over by my Dad.  He ran over his little leg, and he is still alive.  I just got home from the Vet (my Sister's) and am very tired, emotionally spent and really thinking what else could go wrong today, we have one more hour left.   

Ozzy is the little dog that we brought home this July after Hub's Biological Father passed away.  We had not associated with his father since 1997, and the last time we did see him was near Christmas 2000.  He was not my favorite person.  I really didn't like him very much.  But, when he passed away we inherited the remainder of his life (which was very sad in itself) but, he left behind two little dogs, who were living on a chain in a small town on the Oklahoma Plains.  My sister said, when I took him to her in her clinic this evening; that he was a "Chiweenie" and "Chiweenies never die."  I felt bad because my nine year old told me he was hurt, but I didn't pay much attention to him because my nine year old is a worrier.   But then I went to check on him again to find out that my Dad had run over his leg and Ozzy ran away before he could look at him.   Hub and I found Ozzy huddled up in the shed, shivering and hurting.  

When we brought Ozzy home this summer and released him into the life off the chain in the country, he immediately became the happiest little dog on earth.  I absolutely loved watching his sheer joy of being free to run where ever he pleased, when ever he pleased.  You could just see the Doggy happiness on his little Doggy face.  So to see him writhing in pain and shaking and scared, really upset me tonight.  He's such a sweet little dog, and of all the dogs we've had, I really love little Ozzy. Of course before I left, I was upset, by a comment made to me, by a family member, so I had another meltdown.   

Poor little Ozzy, I hated driving him up to my Sister's with him constantly shifting positions and clearly in pain.  Poor baby.  He didn't break anything, she gave him seven stitches and then we went and talked and had some cake and visited for a while, it actually was nice, I don't see my older sister as much as I'd like, and I love going with her when we go to town and I feel closer to her than my other siblings. 

Today, I feel like my life is a country song... complete with the dog getting run over.  Now, where is my beer.... oh, yeah I don't like beer (nastiest substance on earth, stinks.. nasty, nasty, I don't understand why so many like to drink beer) so I got another 32 oz. Mountain Dew on my way home.  I'm tired. I am not a drama queen, I think today qualifies to allow me some legit whining, I'm just thinking that today was a total waste of my life and I should've never got out of bed and I'm gonna quit opening my mail. 

   

But, song of the day is Fragile by Sting..

"Lest we forget how fragile we are....."  

Ankle Biter!

 My new puppy Lego... as in "let GO of my ANKLE"  

Umm... My ankle...and I was trying to take his picture!...Yes, it hurts...  that is why he is outside more and more.. well that and eating cat turds out of the litter box which is so not cool.  

My pretty Lego, if I can teach him to run with me, without biting me, we will have lots of fun.  

So pretty :-D