Just Another Day With Me

In the Trunk

Mom has a hope chest, where she keeps her photos and mementos from her early life and childhood. She has her Grandmother's trunk, and her other Grandmother's trunk. I have my Grandmother's trunk (she left it to me), it is still in my Mom's house. In order to prepare for my parents' anniversary we (my sister and I) raided the hope chest for memorabilia from the wedding.  We found it.  

Right on top of her (and my) wedding dress was the Kennedy Assassination paper....  which I longed to unwrap from the plastic and take out and read... I didn't .  We were under time constraints with many things to do to prepare for Saturday's get together... and much house to clean as I am no domestic goddess.  And its a cedar chest, so it just smells of old cedar, its a beautiful chest.  

Here is the Kennedy assassination paper.  My Mom was working at the Police Department in Amarillo that year and they got the news on the wire before it broke on the radio or TV.  We didn't find the wedding photo in the trunk...  so we went to Granny's trunk, which was even trickier to uncover and make it look untouched...

We did find the topper for their wedding cake... 50 year old.. last used in 1961. 

I've always been fascinated with the old trunks and the little bits of history stored inside... some news papers some personal history, but all of it is fascinating.  Perhaps a blog is a little bit of that history, storing memories digitally... instead of in a trunk. Photography holds the same purpose.  I love the musty old photo albums, the sunbonnets, the old toys, the memories,  not my memories but someones...

This photo is of my Great Grandfather..it was in my Granny's trunk.  Willie Willis, he was a full blood Choctaw living in McCurtain County.  He died in 1904, while my Grandmother was Pregnant with my Grandfather.  He was hit in the head with a baseball. I love these old photos of ancestors I did not know.  They fascinate me.  

Exhaustion.... 

We are having a 50th Anniversary party for my parents Saturday... doubtful many guests will come, but deep cleaning is exhausting.  

I'm not great at housekeeping, in fact I downright hate it.   Nothing makes me cringe more than steam cleaning a carpet or wiping down the walls.  In fact thats why I value my education.  I started out this year with intentions to prove myself as a housewife.  I think I've failed, besides being able to prove we can live on one income, the house will never be perfect.  Right now my little sister is steam cleaning the rug while I'm taking  my very late night break for a fourth or fifth wind... we went shopping today for party supplies and cookout goodies... of course we would be cooking out this weekend anyways as it is Memorial Day.  

But a 50th Anniversary is special. I don't know if its special because I'm lucky enough to see both my parents' alive for it.  They love each other, I know this, but they never say it.  I've never seen them hug or kiss (God Forbid) or any sign of physical affection (that might mean they <gasp> like each other!)... SO, it will be interesting.  Why is it at my house; knowing how much having people over tears at my insecurities... well, its next door and my Dad doesn't do celebrations, funerals, graduations or any sort of events.....  so yes....  he won't be going anywhere unless its next door.   

My Sister and I say we should have a 'Thanks for Tolerating Each other for 50 years" party.  I found some 50th Anniversary gifts, but most seemed to ooze sappiness and 50 years of adoring love, well that just isnt' the case. 

 

Oh and insecurities is knowing some of the guests are the ones who have the obsessive compulsive house keeping and home decor bug,  who undoubtedly can look down their noses at myself...  

Of course I can remind myself that academically my explorations have been incredible these last few years -  things that not everyone will ever experience... so, I'm good. 

I wish I was more devoted to my house... but I'm always distracted...something draws my attention away.....  In my head, in my world, outside in the trees, in the pasture, in a book, in my photography, but not on the boring, repetitive mundane tasks to create this spotless environment... 

No, Martha Stewart...I am not.  Food Network cooking diva, I am not.   Would I like to be better at this, yes...do I take the time and effort, on a consistent basis...well, I don't.  Those goals don't drive me....  spotless... it will never be.    

 

Pig Pen comes to mind sometimes... I guess I just can't care enough to focus on this....  

24 Hours

Last night I caved and tried a 24 hour allergy pill.   I can breathe better this morning. I admit it.  I'm not too bad, but ever so groggy.  You know that foggy haze that surrounds your brain. Yeah, I'm groggy.   But I couldn't breathe before I took it either and couldn't sleep because of congestion. I'm not as congested, but I'm still groggy. 

So I'm damned to sleep during this allergy season... or I'm damned to sleep due to a pill induced haze.  I've got things to do in the house so I'm beginning by writing and forcing activity on myself. See that beautiful spring down there... yeah thats why I can't breathe, Thanks.. Beauty. 

Nothing

Nothing... what am I writing about.  Nothing.  What am I always writing about? Nothing.  What am I photographing.  Everything.   Everything and nothing at the same time.   This evening we had dinner at my Mom's house.  Storm clouds were blowing by... it was looking dark, while the clouds looked like flames in the sky.

The clouds could speak, like a poem... the clouds looked like the flames that people paint on their cool cars and trucks... the wind was blowing them in an interesting shape.  The clouds were nothing but a brief moment in nature captured by the camera.  

Ray was outside taking photographs, trying to capture the hummingbird and since it was thundering I went inside and peeked out through my Mom's bedroom window; the room she was born in 68 years ago.  The cat took a moment to look away from the hummingbird feeder.   I have a feeling I will be back out there tomorrow camera in hand to get some hummingbird shots. 

Ray's hummingbird.  I love reading blogs... but I think I love photographs more.  A picture says a thousand words, while it might take a thousand to paint an image for me to read.  Thats what great writers were, they were painters, they are artists with words.  I may never be eloquent.  I will never be a famous writer, but I can weave the photographs in and out of my words to create the story of me. 

My husband holding the kitten, I snapped this photo as he was walking out the door, overexposed and lit brightly with the sun shining on his back, when I opened photoshop it was a perfect photo.  A moment in time.  I love his big, strong hands... one of  my favorite things about him.  Do I tell him this often? No, because sometimes its easier to write about my emotions than say things to people. 

Sitting at the door, looking outside at the big cats that live on the porch.  You can see his smallness.  A tiny kitten...

last night the wind came in with a furious gust.... and the clouds, which I thought would be storm clouds were stunning with the sun setting behind them.  So this post was about nothing and at the same time a little bit of everything....  I have been thinking... I visited an abandoned cemetery the other day,  one with grass growing up around it and people who have long since been forgotten by society.. but they aren't forgotten now. I went there, I read their names and thought them and imagined what their lives must have been like here on this land that I love. 

So, am I nothing or am I everything?  Is writing a little bit of my nothingness a little scream into the abyss that is the collective voice of humanity.   A photograph and a memory is everything but what I say tonight, is really nothing...I will soon forget these thoughts...but the post will be here as a memory to their existance.  

People are like stained-glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.  ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

 

 

Published!

A few weeks ago I was contacted by a magazine editor with a request to use my photograph of Boise City in an article about the Bombing that happened during WWII.  Boise City Oklahoma was bombed during WWII, and an article was being published in America in WWII.  

For my birthday Ray and I went out to eat at Red Lobster then we stopped by at Hastings, the local book and music store.  Where I looked and found the magazine with my photo in it for sale. I already had a few copies of the magazine thanks to the publisher who sent them to me right away.  But it was neat to see my photo and my name in a magazine.   

Me and the magazine... a first 

and the actual photo...not the crop..

There is actually a story behind this photo. I knew there had been a bombing there, my husband told me there was a monument to it,  and I wanted to find it.  The trouble with Boise City is there is a roundabout around the County Seat,  so I drove around in  a circle about five times before I parked and found this, I was also on the phone with my husband with him giving me instructions. I suppose it was comical.  Maybe.  

can you see WHY I don't like this.... drive in a circle.... possibly forever.  

http://www.americainwwii.com/issues/2011/june.html

Happy 34th

My Birthday was on Wednesday and it was quite a busy day! 

My cake, which my youngest son licked the icing off the 34 and intended to make it a 43... except he licked the icing off of them...  ha.

What I LOVE about this card is my youngest signed all of the names and misspelled my Oldest Son, Rowan's name. Too cute!  

My Sister came and grilled out for dinner! The grill caught on fire, caught the grass on fire and we were very close to having an explosion!  Crazy!  

dousing the flames....

 

Bloggers

So I've pulled back on blogging. I've not been writing as much.  Sure I've emailed some of my friends.  But I haven't been posting on this blog. I almost left it as an "orphan" but decided to come back to it and write.  This whole social media phenomenon has pushed the internet on everyone, not just us introverts who took solace in our writing.  Everyone is a blogger, everyone is a writer, everyone emotes online.   Some of us have been doing this for years when others felt we were foolish or crazy to talk to people online.  I've watched everyone I know turn to the internet.  When we first got the internet in 2000,  I knew very few people who were online....  

Message boards and chatrooms.... then a few years later there was Myspace...  and Facebook and now its 2011 and everyone is "online'  not only are they online, they are constantly connected.   Constantly interacting with people, strangers, anyone. Constantly via their  smart phones, laptops, iPads... whatever they can connect with.   

I know I can't talk, I'm just as addicted as anyone, worse, I'm online constantly, that connection and I think I'd like to disconnect, just lose the email, lose the internet, and get my real life back.  But then I think my life has been made richer via many of the interesting, unique people I've connected with online.   I want to step back and write more, in this format, not on the microblogging forums.   

I have connected with my fair share of bloggers. I know everyone dreams of "fame" - Personally I would be happy with fortune. I think famous people have just as many problems as you and I.  Bloggers are obsessed with "hits" or how many people view their page.  Of course we are all self centered, the success of Facebook points to the level of that narcissism in our society. 

Part of the attitude of bloggers, I detest.  I love having a successful blog, its great to see hits everyday, but sometimes I have no desire.  I want to keep a journal, a diary of sorts, which if anyone reads I'm fine --big deal if they don't.

I actually don't like many of the succesful blogs I've read, they scream commercialism or politics.  Sincere? No.  Women's blogs are sarcastic, bitchy and like a comedien.  Some of the photographers are too serious....  I guess they are their creation...

I think I'm anti "promotion" to the level of advertising or seeking advertisers, because I do it from my heart, and I am not about having a million hits! I do love seeing where my hits come from though!  But yeah, I'm blogging on here again... 

I can't think of a photo for this post....  I like photos on posts.  But this song suits it....

 

The Day Before My Birthday

I thought I would start blogging again the day before my birthday.  Yes, tomorrow 34 years ago I was born.   I haven't blogged because I've been busy working on my photography page, tweeting and sleeping too much (errr cleaning house).   Oh and tweeting.  Did I mention I like to tweet.  Yeah, well its an interactive addiction, its like internet crack for the ADHD. 

a photo from the other night.... 

So its the day before my Birthday and my Husband and I are going out this evening.   What do do... go in the yard or go running...the yard probably needs the attention worse than my running...  its so nice, I ran a half marathon in February...  Its nice running a half marathon and having NO pain in your calves...  yeah, my legs are in shape now.   I need to keep my routine consistent but  I like running races but they aren't my motivation to get outside, they keep me motivated but I don't have to do this to keep a routine or for running to be important to me.   

OH yeah... so today I like this song....  I loved it on the Police Tours of 07 and 08.  

I should go mop the kitchen... I should, its dirrrty ...