Just Another Day With Me

The Big Picture

These are amazing photos.  This is the kind of blog that I like to read.  

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/11/rios_drug_war.html

Blogging People

So having a little more time in my days and since I pretty much felt like crap all day and sat around in my yoga pants and slippers with my little space heater warming my space I have been reading a few blogs. There is this one blog (which I won't link) from a woman that I follow (and follows me back) on twitter.  Its one of those urban, elite rich snotty girl blogs.  Except apparently she was a fat snotty girl. So its the epic journey for her to lose weight and run a marathon.  Kudos to her for running the Marathon because I haven't gotten the courage to sing up for one yet (I will be).  But,  I guess it just shows the different world people are in.   

First of all with ADHD I find it difficult to find a blog that really holds my attention I go read posts mainly from people or Moms or women or political blogs off of twitter but that is it.  I don't actively follow pages. I really enjoy the photography pages where I get photos and tutorials and information. I'm more into information and facts.  Politics are ok, but I'd rather listen to a little at a time or watch the news on TV.   

I'm fascinated to a degree about other people and how they think and live but when I see a woman who is on a quest to lose weight and ask men if they dumped her because she was fat it is kind of amusing.  Especially since I see such a elitist attitude from her and I sit and think, well, maybe its her somewhat cold snotty attitude that keeps her from keeping men, not 50 pounds.   I know its no fair to psychoanalyze and not link up the blog, but I am doing so out of courtesy.   Especially since I'm being judgmental.   

Now, I've never really been a "fat girl" first of all but I have my own issues with my looks and self esteem and I know being in shape certainly makes you feel more confident but being one of those people who DO exercise can kind of give you a "cocky" attitude - the you know, "I'm a RUNNER" attitude.  

But blogging people are interesting, perhaps because they are willing to be open and write about themselves - what they really think versus what society tells everyone is acceptable to say.   

Song of the Day: Seether "Fake It"

 

LOVE this song.  Haven't posted music up here in a while been to busy with photos. 

Turkey Hitler (so funny)

 

Interesting

My webhits on my Oklahoma page are consistently going up.  Which makes me feel like I should post more.  To go from 5 hits a day to 75 in less than a year is kind of neat, the more content I add the more traffic I get, no I make no money from this but I began a page for my photography - my photography of people which I don't post a lot of photos of people on my Oklahoma page.  I don't even look at where they come from as much as I used to, want to know where every hit came from and where, so its cool. I'm liking it.   

My main interest in photography isn't people really, its nature and landscapes.  I enjoy having the time to work on it.  A few years ago I bought a book 40 days to the work you love, well its been more than 40 days but I really enjoy photography and I know that it won't ever pay all the bills, unless I could get into wedding photography and get better equipment, but perhaps that is a possibility.   

I have done nothing to look at Graduate schools, GRE or another job this fall.  I can't believe its almost December.  Normally I'm constantly searching for SOMETHING...something to do in the summer something to help me think about not working at that place something to get out of my head.   I am not sure if my current apathy is good or bad, I'm used to feeling driven.  I still feel driven being able to work with photography like this is good, I am learning new skills.  I'm learning a lot about web/tech/networking too.  I think its a positive, but I feel like I'm not doing enough.  

Maybe thats just me.... doesn't matter what I do its never enough for me.  Its a frustrating life.  

High Enough and a Sunset

 

Old song but a good one... and a sunset on Galveston Island which I thought turned out nice. I think its bedtime. 

Getting Late

Its getting late.  I have been working on a photography site for selling pictures.  I need income.  I can't "not work" but I love photography it is something I genuinely feel that I am "good at"  Here is the link: http://obscurity.typepad.com/joyfranklinphotography/  I'm not putting prices or packages or any kind of deals or bargains up - I've read that you shouldn't price yourself online or over or under estimate yourself.  I'd love to do senior portraits for the kids that are too poor to pay for them actually.  I think every kid deserves senior pictures.  

Its getting late....  I'm thinking again.  I bought a tripod today for my camera, I want to get better photos and eliminate camera shake.  I can't wait to play with it and try it out. If its nice tomorrow I might go somewhere and use my gas...  I swear if I don't go anywhere in a week or two I get restless.  I love seeing things I've never seen before.  But I may just go to the local lakes.

Looking at pictures of Lego is tearing me up, its so quiet outside without him bouncing around and I feel like total shit for not getting him to the vet, I feel like its all my fault that he died I wish I hadn't been so busy last week, I wish I hadn't been so sick on Friday - I could barely get out of bed Friday evening I certainly couldn't have driven him to the clinic.  I feel horribly guilty like its my fault. I also feel strange that he came ill so quickly and died as quickly as he did, because last weekend I edited that cute photo of him and posted it on my Facebook wehre alot of my cousins and local people live and posted that he was protective of the yard...and five days later he's dead?  Conspiracy theory..I don't know.  I just don't feel safe when I'm home alone and I was so happy that he was aggressive to strangers now I feel kind of strange about it.  

I haven't went running since Thanksgiving and I do want to sign up for a marathon in February but I MUST get on a routine.  I'm really slacking but I've also been sick enough to know better than to push myself too much.  I've been doing much better with the running.  I do love running this time of year.  

I am debating on revamping my resume for the spring job openings. I will NOT teach special education, but I don't know if I want to invest that heavily into Graduate school.   I love teaching and I think I would like to teach English again or History but I can't do Special Education anymore.  I know it was too much.  

I'm feeling better about me.  But I feel lazy. I feel like I'm not doing my part, I don't think I'm meant to be a housewife or stay at home all the time. I feel kind of isolated but I don't feel like I really made that many real friends in my old job.  I certainly felt like I lost a lot of people last year. People who were important to me but I realize now that I was not important to them. Its weird to realize that you didn't matter... I've definitely backed off on talking to friends and emailing people this year because, well - I dont' want to be put in that position again of being hurt by friends.  I need to write here more about how I feel.   

 

I'm busy with playing with photography, reading the house the kids.... always something to do  it seems, its not that I'm "missing work" I'm really anxious about money this winter and managing on one income though... but oddly enough it seems to help the marriage and money has been fine this fall really.   I miss having "my" income though.  But the trade off is all the time I have.  I don't know. 

I am lonely though I don't talk to my close friends as much and its almost tiring to talk to people, I play around on twitter a lot and its fun because its constant news and links... lots of information, way more than facebook it suits me better than facebook. 

It annoys me to post photos on my other Facebook profile and have no comments or post anything to have no response but when I see people in person they gush over my photos, I guess it annoys me.  Maybe it shouldn't, its probably petty to point it out and notice it.  But I do.  Its like being invisible and why bother with people.   

I'm becoming a hermit. Why bother with people. I think I need to get back around people again. But I do enjoy running alone and photography ...  I don't want to be "alone" I'd like to have female friends but that didn't' seem to work out.   Oh well.... oh well.. it doesn't matter does it? 

I Appreciate

When my Hub does things around the house. Today he went to town got stuff to work on the water (almost) emptied the trash barrels and covered the window that was letting in cold air.   I appreciate little things like that more than he understands I think.  Especially when they are done without me asking.  Just like I appreciated when he suggested - not me- that we go away for our anniversary I don't think he's ever done that before and it meant the world to me that he wanted to go on a trip just to go -even-though he's on the road all the time.  

Sick

Went to Target yesterday morning and it was insane crazy..so was the mall.  Came home, crashed and I woke up sick.  I'm still sick.  Finally got up and am sitting up but not sure if I feel like it.   Sad about my dog and sick -  you know I'm sick when sitting up is too much work.   

R.I.P. Lego

My Dog died last night.  He was droopy on Thursday but I thought maybe it was because it was cold out.   He wasn't feeling good but we were so busy with Thanksgiving that I didn't give it a lot of thought because he was just fine Tuesday, he went and ran three miles with me. Last night he was coughing and I was going to take him to my Sister today (she's a vet).  But he didn't make it.  

This spring ...

Last Saturday...he was FINE on Tuesday.. :(